My name is Kelly Hays,I’m 60 years old.

I grew up in the bay area with three brothers, I look back now and realize my parents were just doing the best they knew how, my mom is the strength of the family while my dad worked. During those days that was the role of the father to work and the mother took care of everything else, unfortunately, my dad passed away when he was 45 years old with a heart attack which left a 10, a 12, a 14, and 16-year-old for my mom to continue raising. 

I grew up playing baseball in little league and loved doing it and was good. There seem to always be something missing when I wasn’t playing ball or just out playing with my friends or brothers, the first time I was exposed to drugs I was in the sixth grade I walked into my friend’s house, looked down the hall into the bedroom, and saw his older brother shooting up heroin. I remember his brother was a star football player in high school and was impressed by the size of his arms as he was sticking a needle into it, I remember thinking how bad can drugs be, about an hour later they came out and handed me and my friend a match box that was full of weed and some downers ,at the time we called them reds , that was the beginning of a 40 plus year cycle of doing drugs and getting high using any means possible ,usually on a daily basis, of course my interest in sports dropped by the waste side .

Along with drugs I developed a strong interest in girls and by the age of 15 I was expecting my first son, I was a child having children, as I look back and go over the amount of drugs that I used I realize I had just about tried everything from smoking weed to mainlining cocaine and doing heroin, spent weeks on LSD, and phased through usage of PCP ,crank and various other drugs that were available during the 70s and 80s and 90s , I remember one time when I was shooting up cocaine in the garage and my three little children are sitting in the front room waiting for their mother to get home from the grocery store I had realized I had shot up too much cocaine when I started dry heaving and felt like my heart was going to explode, within a few minutes I realize I wasn’t going to die looked at my watch realize I had some time left and started fixing up my next shot of Coke . 

I was so heavy into mainlining drugs that I had collapsed my main veins in my arms and started shooting up in my neck and four head and anywhere else I could find a large enough vain, I’m not glorifying this behavior I’m just letting you know how deeply rooted the devil was in my life, I was married three times to three good woman ,I wish I could say different but those failed marriages were all my fault ,there were kids involved and people were hurt by my foolish selfish behavior my indulgence of drugs and chasing women, because you see while doing drugs and chasing women there was always that high ,that temporary high that would fill that emptiness but as soon as I became straight and the women were gone the minutes seem like hours and the emptiness would get deeper and darker till I came to a point where I felt I could no longer see light at the top of the pit that I had dug myself into ,I could only feel the roots along the wall of the dark hole that I was living in.

I finally realized that the most important things in my life I had failed at, even though I had gone through the United States Marine Corps ,did very well at various jobs and always had worked and provided for my family I was just the shell of a man ,so much was missing from my character . 

I finally came to terms with the thought that I have lived long enough ,56 years and I really had no love that I earned from anybody to show for it ,I decided to call it and I made my plans to end my life , I knew how and where I was going to do it, I even put my son on my bank account and told him where I had stashed my money just in case anything ever happened to me, he had no idea what I was planning, a few nights later he asked me to come to a men’s meeting at a church called The House Modesto , it was a place where hundreds of men got together and worshiped, they shared their stories, the program they put on that night, I felt It had been geared especially for me I even thought maybe my son had talked to somebody and knew what I was going through, that’s just how God works I realize, that night after the program was over my son asked me to come meet somebody by the name of Pastor Doug ,I realized that this person obviously was important to my son so I figured I would give him the respect and go meet him ,within a few moments of talking to him I realize something more powerful was at work, you see I have never been a man of faith ever in my life ,it just was never a part of our household but that night when Pastor Doug informed me that all I had to do was ask Jesus to come into my life, that it wasn’t a complicated process, 

The moment I invited Jesus into my life I literally felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders as though everything I had done throughout my life and failed at was now being lifted off of me ,it was something I knew was real, it was something that I felt I could almost put my hands on, I know I brought my son into this world but my son actually saved my life in more than one way ,I don’t think there are many men who can say that and I’m very proud that I can .

Since that day I’ve come to know many ,many strong men of Jesus, in particular the men of the motorcycle ministry Soldiers of the Cross , I realize now what it really means to serve Jesus it’s a feeling that you just can’t put into words ,that you receive from doing so ,and you soon find out that you can never out give God ,over and over throughout my life I have been blessed ,that he was always there just waiting for that invitation.

I realize that I had to go through 50+ years of abusing life in every way I could, in order for God to work his plan on me and for me to see what value I really had in His eyes , I look around at and listen to some men that can really lay some prayer down , I feel blessed to be part of these men and they all will tell you the same thing , it’s all about your personal relationship with Jesus that gives you the strength and faith to keep moving forward and spreading His word, it’s not complicated, make the move so God can move in your life!